The “Real” Mom Myth

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My journey toward adopting our beautiful girls started when I was 13 and learned that when the time came for my future husband and me to start a family, adoption would be the only way for me to become a mother (that is a whole other blog article). Like many events in life I could not foresee the emotions, challenges and struggles that would come with adopting. I also could not foresee the joy, love, and opportunities adopting would bring.

When I was asked to write this blog article, I discovered that there were so many things to share. But, one stood out. It may not seem earth-shattering, but to me it was: I AM A REAL MOM.

Not too long ago, God solidified this for me. Over time, it eventually sank in that I was their mom. I am a mom. These are my daughters. I realized that every parent, whether through adoption or birth, was chosen by God to raise their children.

I often wondered and was even brought to tears many times because I would not have that oh-so-hallmark-channel “hospital” scene with the anxious, pacing husband and extended family waiting. You know the scene – the one where friends visit with flowers and baby gifts. I would not have the picturesque pregnancy photo shoot or a “gender reveal” party. Honestly, it made me feel not quite “womanly” at times, as if I was missing out (and as the youngest of 4 kids, I HATE missing out).

Then, one day God reminded me that I was every bit a mom, woman and child of God as any other woman who may have given birth the more conventional way. He helped me see that adoption, while different than pregnancy and childbirth, has many similarities. Adoptive moms wait anxiously for their child’s arrival – some longer than others, some shorter (like ours, which happened in a matter of hours – yet another blog article).

IMG_0812I found out most moms also worry about making mistakes and sending their child into therapy sessions with Dr. Phil. Sweet mommas who gave birth to their children may also have a hard time “connecting” with their child at different stages along the way. Adoptive moms and biological moms both get asked silly questions at the grocery store by total strangers! Who knew?!

I want to encourage adoptive mommas that you are “real” moms, and you’re not crazy for feeling like you aren’t at times. I want to encourage all moms that when you see a fellow mom in the trenches, having a moment or feeling “stress-paralyzed”, remind them are a good mom (yes, like the “Mom’s Night Out” scene!). We all get a little critical of ourselves and could use the encouragement.

Adoption is a blessing, but we are not heroes. Adoption is simply how God ordained us to have the blessing of children. And, God has certainly used our adoption in many ways. I am still humbled at the opportunities He brings us because of our sweet girls. Because of adoption, we have met people we wouldn’t normally have met and we’ve had conversations with people we may not have talked to otherwise. Adoption Awareness month is a great reminder to pray for those who are on this amazing journey! Pray for children waiting for their life-long families and pray for families deciding if adoption is what God is calling them to do.


{This article is written by Emily Roten.  Emily is a wife and mother who works from home as a beauty consultant.  Originally from just outside Seattle, she loves coffee (of course) but has adjusted nicely to the florida sunshine since she and her family moved to florida in May of 2013.  She and her husband Michael have 2 darling daughters ages 5 and 6, so life is NEVER EVER dull.  From an early age Emily has felt a calling from God to encourage, disciple and minister to women, particiarly in the areas of marriage, adoption and infertility.}

4 thoughts on “The “Real” Mom Myth

  1. Love your story and would enjoy hearing more of it! What a great way to demonstrate God’s love of adoption for all of us. Thank you, Emily.

  2. Thank you for this post! We have many friends and loved ones that we’ve followed along their adoption journeys of different lengths (both of time, and distance) and I look forward to sharing this with some of them.

  3. Wonderful, insightful article by a Godly woman, who I happened to have the privilege of watching grow up because her sweet mama was my Sunday School teacher and friend. ~~ Thanks for sharing your story, Emily. It is heart-warming and beautiful.

  4. Emily,
    You are a real mom & a really awesome one at that! I see your sacrifices for your girls & your commitment to be involved in their lives & it encourages me. Keep up the good work!

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